Advanced Romantic Deception
by coleytaylor
Summary: You can probably guess what this is going to be. (if not, it's fake dating.)


**A/N: Beta'd by catty-words on tumblr. Also, this takes place during s4 Christmas.**

* * *

"Hello?" Jeff grunted. It wasn't exactly the crack of dawn, but he was still thoroughly groggy and not thrilled to be answering the phone.

"Jeff. Don't hang up." He had been about to as soon as he heard that voice. William Winger was the last person Jeff wanted to hear from, any time of day. "Look, it's about Willy Jr. I know things didn't end well on Thanksgiving—"

"That's an understatement."

"It got me thinking, though. Hear me out. I didn't do such a great job raising Willy, but maybe it's not too late. I know there's something in that parenting crap about having your kids around role models. If I know anyone that's a real man, it's you." He paused expectantly.

"Let me guess, you want me to adopt him." It was just like his dad to do this. Too lazy to teach his own kid to grow up, but ready to have someone else do it and steal the credit.

"Come on, Jeff. Just let him stay with you a week. You've got to help me. He's been spouting this nonsense about food having feelings, and he won't eat meat."

Huh. He was actually entertaining the possibility. And feeling a mildly disturbing camaraderie with Willy. They had both been screwed up by William Winger, but maybe it wasn't too late for one of them.

"Fine. I'll do it. Just to be clear, this is in no way for you. What did you say is wrong with him?"

"He's considering _vegetarianism_." William sounded extra-gruff, as if the word itself held great powers of emasculation that called for counteraction. "Thanks, son."

"Call me that again and this is off. Put Willy on the phone." There was some shuffling in the background, and a muffled yell. Jeff could hear the sound of eager breathing before he heard Willy's voice.

"Hey, Jeff. Are we gonna do cool man stuff together?"

Jeff sighed and pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. "If you call it that again, no. Don't you have anything better to do over winter break?"

"Um, you've met me. You know _exactly_ how pathetic I am. But you're not pathetic. I bet you have a cool apartment, a cool job, a cool girlfriend..."

"Yeah." One of those things was true. Or, it had been, until the dean moved in next door.

"Are you still dating that girl from Thanksgiving?"

He had to think fast. "No." Britta was a vegetarian and thought the concept of a 'real man' catered to society's antiquated gender roles. (Constant texting allowed Jeff to _appear_ tuned out, but Britta's social justice rants were impossible to escape.) "I have a new girlfriend." If he couldn't come up with someone, he'd say she was visiting family or something and get a photo off the internet. "Look, I have to go. I'll see you Sunday."

"Do you want me to bring a sleeping bag? I—"

Jeff hung up. He threw his phone onto the couch, but picked it up again almost immediately, dialing a familiar number.

"Annie," he said when she picked up.

"Yeah?" She sounded distracted, like maybe she was balancing the phone on her shoulder while comparing the price per pound of ground turkey at the grocery store, or making a masterlist of all her sublists in her room.

"I need a favor. Can you pretend to be my girlfriend for a few days?"

She snorted incredulously. It shouldn't have been so cute. "Isn't that the sort of thing Britta would be better at?"

"I can't ask her."

"Oh, so I'm your second choice?"

Okay, maybe he should have phrased that better. He should have known that being second at anything would insult Annie. He had to turn this around. Turn on the Winger Moves™, prove that he was still the cool lawyer Willy saw him as.

He took a deep breath. "You're right. You are my second choice, but only because I was afraid of how good it could be. How good _we_ could be. You and I, Annie, you and I have a connection that I could never have with Britta. Was it Britta that had the staff of an entire hotel convinced we were married?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Was it Britta that starred in a romantic montage with me set to "Gravity"? No. Britta is a dear friend, but she'll never be anything more than that. You, Annie, you could be more than just a friend. You could be... a fake girlfriend."

"Hmmm. I guess I'll do it. When do you need me? And ooooh, who are you trying to impress?" He could imagine her doing that little dance she did when she got excited, almost jumping up and down but not quite. It was juvenile, but kind of adorable and undeniably Annie.

"Sunday. My half brother Willy is coming for the week—I think Dad hopes he'll absorb some of my cool by osmosis. Not that you have to stay the whole time," he added.

"No, that's fine. I was planning on doing the reading for one of the classes I'm taking next semester, and Troy and Abed want to build a new blanket fort in the apartment. It's my weakness. So it's no trouble to stay the whole week."

"Really, you don't have to," Jeff started to say, but she steamrollered over him.

"I'll be over today to make the place look a little more... Us."

"Annie, we've been over this. You've got to stop playing house with me."

"It's not for me, it's for Willy. I promise not to enjoy it any more than you do." That wasn't really saying much. Playing house was becoming increasingly less cloying, and more like a glimpse of what could be.

"Fine, fine," he conceded. "See you then I guess."

"See you then!"

Jeff threw the phone down again.

What had he gotten himself into?

* * *

Several hours later, there was a knock on the door. Annie came in, laden with bags and wearing a very _season one_ cardigan and dress.

"What's all this?" he said, taking a bag.

"Well, if I lived here—that's what we're going for, right?" He nodded. "If I lived here, it would look a little less bachelor pad and a little more... like home."

"Alright. Have at it."

And she did. New curtains went up, throw pillows were arranged, and girly shampoos found a home in the shower, all while he sat on the couch. Annie only paused to get the combination to his toiletry safe, arguing that a man in a committed relationship would not keep such things locked up.

"Willy's going to use the guest bathroom, I don't see why you have to fix this one," he grumbled.

Annie blushed, or maybe it was just the light. "You, uh, never know! Can't be too careful, Jeff."

He went into the kitchen to stop things before they got out of hand. Annie looked up from the cutting board when he walked in.

"You don't mind, right?" she said, gesturing to the slices of bell pepper and chunks of carrot in front of her. "I thought we might want a little while to get used to being, you know, couple-y?" Annie punctuated the suggestion with her doe eyes, and years later saying no to her was still like strangling the little mermaid with a bike chain.

"Fine," he said. "And I'm guessing you want to stay overnight too, which is fine."

She was already nodding, assessing. "I'll take the couch tonight, but when Willy gets here tomorrow we should probably sleep in the same room at least."

Jeff hadn't really thought this through. Hadn't thought about all the time he would have to spend touching her, or in the same room as her, in the same _bed_ as her. Maybe it would be bearable if she was acting as uncomfortable as he was. But no, she had been all business from the start, proposing ways to make this all more realistic that made him cringe inside because it wasn't real. Two years ago, Annie would have been all over this. She had moved on, but he couldn't seem to.

"Yeah," he said, hoping his voice wasn't going all high-pitched the way it had that night he and Annie were preparing to crush Simmons in debate. The best thing right now would be to walk away. "I need a drink." Not inaccurate. Plausible. Some would even say in character.

"I fully expect you to cook tomorrow!" she called after him. "I know you know how!"

* * *

"What time did you say Willy is getting here?"

Annie sat in her pajamas on the couch the next morning, legs curled underneath her. She accepted a mug of coffee from Jeff and warmed her hands on it.

"Noon. Any finishing touches?" he asked, mostly joking.

"I think the apartment looks good, but we haven't really talked about PDA."

Jeff choked on his coffee. "Wrong pipe," he coughed out, but Annie didn't seem convinced. "What were you saying?" He really, really hadn't thought this through.

"I just think we should set some ground rules. Do we hold hands when Willy is around? Do we kiss?" Annie looked sort of mystified. Okay, yeah, he got that; the few times they'd kissed had been electric, even disregarding the romantic implications.

"Um. Maybe you set the boundaries here?"

"Jeff, think about it. How many women have you dated? And how many men have I dated? This is your wheelhouse."

"Okay. Just—give me some time to think, okay?"

What could he handle? Being in constant contact with Annie for a week would be difficult enough; _kissing_ her was a whole other matter.

He should have called Britta for this, regardless of her social justice warrior tendencies. It would be easier to playact a relationship with someone with whom he wasn't hopelessly in love.

She pulled a day planner seemingly out of nowhere. "Get back to me ASAP. For now, we should work on an itinerary." Annie tapped a purple pen (seriously, where was she getting this stuff?) on her leg absently, brow furrowed in thought. Her steadfast dedication to organization was comforting. "What sort of stuff do you think Willy would want to do? What activities should I accompany you to? And what about the plans this week with the study group?"

He started to answer, but Annie didn't notice.

She continued talking. "Maybe we should ask Troy and Abed. Wait, we want him to grow up. Never mind. Well, Abed might know some stuff about the fake dating trope. Are we telling the group?"

She finally turned to him for input.

"They might notice if we held hands during the Christmas party." Or kissed. He couldn't even say it out loud. "But not yet, okay? We're not going to see them for a few days, and it might turn out that it's not necessary. What did you tell Troy and Abed?"

"Oh, they were already so deep in New New Fluffy Town by the time I left the apartment that I could have told them I was going to the Kuiper Belt and they wouldn't have blinked an eye." She gave a self-congratulatory _huff_ and an adorable smile. "I always knew that Astronomy class I took freshman year with Troy would come in handy. Tonight you could take Willy to that bar we all went to, the Ballroom." It was Disney Annie to Business Annie in two seconds flat. She never ceased to amaze him.

"Yeah, whatever. Do you want to come?"

"Well, I'd have to be Caroline Decker again, so no." She said the nom de boire with a Texan twang. "It'll be fun, just the two of you." She leaned over to pat him on the shoulder. "Brother bonding time."

"Sure."

They drifted into a comfortable silence, Annie scribbling fastidiously. Jeff could get through this. It was only slightly more ridiculous than the usual hijinks that drew him in at Greendale.

Annie got up after a while to get dressed. As much as he wished they could spend all day chatting lazily in their pajamas, he did too. By the time he selected the perfect outfit and finished the delicate process of hair product application, Annie was stripping the sheets off the couch.

"I know you _can_ do it yourself, but do you want some help?"

She thrust a bundle of sheets at him. "Willy's going to be here soon. Put them somewhere!" Annie rushed off towards his (their?) room carrying the rest of her stuff.

"Hey, Annie," he said, going after her. "Can you get the door when Willy gets here? I don't want to risk making eye contact with my dad again."

She nodded and frowned, but didn't try to therapize him or to talk about the Oedipal complex. Maybe he made the right choice after all.

The silence was meandering toward awkward when the doorbell rang. They both jumped.

"I'll get it."

He grinned smugly. "Thanks. You're the best girlfriend ever."

Annie rolled her eyes on the way past him.

* * *

Willy was exactly how Jeff remembered him: awkward, clumsy, and emotionally unstable. Annie seemed to like him well enough, showing him around the apartment like she lived there. It was eerily convincing.

They ended their tour in the guest bedroom.

"And this is where you'll be sleeping." Seriously, if healthcare management or forensics didn't work out, Annie should look into real estate.

"Okay," Willy said, tossing his bag onto the bed and looking oddly dejected. "You know Jeff, I had been planning to become your roommate by never leaving. I even brought my sleeping bag. But your girlfriend _lives_ here. I can't be around girls for that long. They make me nervous." Jeff met Annie's gaze, and her eyes seemed to say _I'm_ in _the room_.

"Well, tonight will be just us men. I'm taking you to..." Jeff trailed off as the lights flickered, and then went out. He stuck his head out the door. The lights in the living room were off too, and the apartment was too quiet without the hum of the fridge. "Damn."

"Is the power out?" Willy asked. They ignored him.

"Jeff, honey, do you want to call the landlord? Maybe Willy can tell me a little more about himself." She smiled encouragingly, and Willy grimaced.

Jeff came back into the room a few minutes later, frustrated. He beckoned Annie into the hallway to talk. Apparently, the landlord was away for the holidays. Somebody had been dispatched to "work on it," but based on how long it had taken to get a leak in his bathroom fixed, Jeff assumed it would be at least a few days until they got power back.

Annie sighed, but snapped back into planning mode almost immediately. "I'm sure we could go to my—Troy and Abed's place for a little while."

"Of course, a blanket fort and two manchildren is _exactly_ what Willy needs."

"Jeff! It's better than freezing to death here."

"Fine. Willy, don't unpack," he called into the spare bedroom. "We're going to our friends' place until this blows over."

"Good thing I brought my sleeping bag."

* * *

Abed greeted them at the door in his green pajamas. "Annie! You're back. I thought the Andromeda Galaxy was farther away."

"Can we stay here for a few days?" Jeff cut right to the chase. "The power went out in my building."

Abed stood in the door frame, blinking. "You seem to be referring to you, Annie, and the nervous looking guy behind you, collectively. Why would Annie have to ask to stay here? She lives here."

"Yeah, I spend so much time here I practically live here!" Annie said loudly, pushing past Abed and closing the door to her room surreptitiously.

"Abed. A word, please." Jeff dragged him into the kitchen by the arm and spoke in a low voice. "Did you get my text?"

Abed shook his head. "The blanket fort interferes with cell reception," he explained.

"Great," Jeff muttered under his breath. He spoke Abed's language. "Well, we're doing a trope. You and Troy have to play along, or Willy won't buy it."

"Oooh," Abed said, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "Is it fake relationship? I love fake relationship."

"Yeah. Keep your voice down, okay? You never know... Hey, Willy."

Willy walked into the kitchen, eyes wide in awe. "Jeff. Your friends are _awesome_. I used to want to be all dead inside with muscles on top, but now I just want to live in a blanket fort."

Jeff was torn. He had taken Willy under his wing hoping to save him from a life of cynicism, but also to help him grow up at least a little bit. It seemed as though only one of those goals could be achieved. He sighed. "Abed, why don't you show him around the fort?"

Abed nodded and darted off, Willy on his heels like an obedient dog.

"And tell Troy!" he called after them. "Use your secret eyebrow code or something!"

* * *

"I thought blanket forts were your weakness," Jeff said. He and Annie leaned against the kitchen counter, trying to watch TV while a new section of the fort went up in front of it.

"Well, I'm supposed to be looking like a responsible adult." She pouted slightly. "Speaking of keeping up appearances, don't you think we should stand a little closer together?"

"There's no way Willy's—" he started to object, but Annie just closed the gap between them and slid an arm around his waist. She was warm, and when he looked down to meet her eyes, Annie's smiling face was a lot closer to his than it had been in a long time. Jeff put his arm around her shoulder, sighing in mock resignation.

Annie still had a sweet scent, but it was less cloying. She didn't smell like bubblegum lip gloss anymore, he thought, but warm vanilla. He would definitely be borrowing some of the shampoo that she had installed in his shower, but for now Jeff wanted to bury his face in her hair. Maybe she would let him, for the good of the charade. But then he would forever have it etched in his memory, taunting him after this week of aberrance. It was better to hold back, he rationalized, better to dip a toe in the pool than dive right in.

Lost in thought, he missed Annie saying something important sounding.

"What?"

"I said, we should talk about sleeping arrangements."

"Right."

"We can't let Willy know that's my bedroom."

"Annie, you don't have to talk like a spy. We're fake dating, not infiltrating North Korea."

"It feels like we are, though. I wish we could have done disguises," she said wistfully.

So this was what it was like for Annie. A crazy charade. It really was inconceivable to her that there could be anything between them. _Two years ago_... he caught himself thinking again.

"We could say Britta lives here. And that she's away for a few days, but she said we can sleep in her room," Annie suggested.

"I don't know. Is this really necessary?"

"It's too late to back out now. Jeff," she said, waiting for him to look her in the eye. "We have to do this. It's only for a week."

One week. And then he would have to go back to keeping a respectful distance, holding her at arm's length.

"Okay. I know you're aching to make it look like Britta lives there, as unnecessary as that may be, but go at it."

She smiled brightly and disentangled herself from him. Annie paused at the door to make finger guns. Right. Spies. He returned the gesture, smiling weakly and hoping it didn't look as half-hearted as it felt.

* * *

Annie was looking at him expectantly. He shook his head and put down the phone to tell her the bad news. There was more information now—someone had left something plugged in that had short-circuited the whole network—but the power wouldn't be back until Monday. Jeff had a funny feeling that person lived in the apartment next door to him, and that he definitely didn't want to know what had been left running.

"We should probably relocate the party to here, then," Annie said.

Jeff looked around at the apartment. It was toeing the line between meticulous organization and chaos, nearly every surface covered in blankets. "I guess it's better pillows and blankets than icicles and frostbite."

"It'll be fun! We can ask everyone to come in their pajamas." He could practically see the cogs spinning in her head; Annie on the cusp of event-planning mode was a sight to behold.

"But all of the gifts I didn't buy are still at my apartment."

"You should probably go back there to get the decorations anyway... You do have decorations, right?"

"Of course I do, Annie. What kind of soulless grinch do you think I am?"

"I never doubted you. And I know we said no gifts, but I couldn't help myself. They're at your apartment with the rest of my stuff."

"You couldn't help yourself." Sure. "Hey, since we're fake dating, does that mean I get to take fake half credit for the gifts you give?"

"Well, I can only think of one person who'd believe you, but feel free," Annie said, collecting her jacket, and kissed him on the cheek on her way out. His heart leapt before he saw Willy with a Special Drink mustache in the kitchen, watching him.

"Hey, Willy," Jeff said, pulling out the chair beside him. He figured he should try to talk to his half brother at least a little bit; Willy had been pretty deep in the haze of pajamas and television for the bulk of his time there.

Troy sat down on Jeff's other side. "Hello, Jeff."

He would have that talk, right after addressing a more important issue.

"Have you guys been wearing the same pajamas for three days? Or do you have identical sets, like cartoon characters?"

"Neither," Abed said, raising his eyebrows cryptically and sitting down next to Troy. They did the handshake.

"Okay then." Maybe some mysteries were better left unsolved. "Could you give us some space?" Jeff waited until Troy and Abed had disappeared into the blanket fort. "Is there anything you wanted to ask me about?"

Willy sat down eagerly. "Tell me all your adult secrets."

"Elaborate." Engaging in this conversation may have been a mistake.

"How did you get to be so cool?"

"A disgraced ex-lawyer? You want to hear _that_ success story?" It rolled off his tongue now. "I faked a bachelor's degree, cheated on the—"

"Not that. Tell me about girls."

"I'm not— Please tell me you know the birds and the bees. I am not giving you that talk." Conversation with Willy had not grown easier over the week, but had become increasingly uncomfortable. Without Annie to keep him sane, Jeff might have actually kicked Willy out. Well, he would have had to be in his own apartment to have the authority to do that.

After a disturbingly long time, Willy nodded. Jeff sighed.

"Do you want to hear about Annie?"

"Yeah," Willy said, and knocked back the rest of his Special Drink.

"Okay." It wouldn't be difficult to fake this part of a relationship. He could wax poetic about Annie for hours.

It ended up being more like a few minutes, but by the time Jeff was finished recounting his and Annie's epic love story (plus a made-up bit about how they finally got together, involving robots and a bocce tournament), and saying all the wonderful things about her that he barely let himself _think_ , Willy was utterly transfixed.

"The study group has really turned into a family for me," Jeff added. There was something about the pathetic human being in front of him that really made him want to open up. "Romantically, there's Annie, but I love the whole group to pieces."

A sniffle came from the blanket fort, bringing Jeff out of his fit of wild emotionality. It was probably Troy, and him and Abed overhearing this conversation was not the greatest thing ever, but it was too late now.

"Troy, I know you're listening. I can hear you crying."

Troy burst from within the blankets and caught Jeff in a hug.

"Man, that was so beautiful," Troy whispered, crying into his shoulder. "Did you mean all of that?"

"Yeah. And save it for the— You know what, never mind." There was just something about the holiday season that sapped his sarcasm. "Abed, get over here. Group hug."

* * *

Shirley and Pierce didn't come in their pajamas. Britta did, although her idea of sleepwear was an anarchist t-shirt and ratty boxer shorts.

They ate the ham and cranberry sauce that Shirley brought, standing around and talking. None of the conversation was very substantial. Jeff waited for something to happen with his arm around Annie, making small talk with Willy and throwing the occasional snarky comment at Pierce—who was not in on the charade for obvious reasons, and not observant enough to notice anything amiss.

After an hour, Annie slipped away into the blanket fort, mumbling something about needing a break. Troy and Abed followed her.

It was probably nothing. The whole ramping-up feeling was probably just because Jeff had heard Abed talking about meta stuff too much lately, and he was imagining things. They were going to have a nice Christmas party, Willy was going to go home tomorrow, and things were going to go back to normal.

But, after half an hour without their emergence, Jeff got that it clearly wasn't nothing. (Was it ever?) He didn't care if they wanted to spend the rest of their lives making shadow puppets, but now was really not the time.

Just as he was about to pull aside the fort's door—a faded Spiderman sheet—it opened, and Annie stepped out. Her expression softened when she saw him.

"Did you really say those things?"

Damn Troy and Abed. Jeff definitely wasn't blushing. "Yeah, but it was for the..." He swallowed the rest of his sentence as Annie shook her head and took his hand. "You don't have to..."

"This is real," she whispered, and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him.

For a moment, it was enough just to kiss her back. Then, reason kicked in. Toes, pool, too deep. "Wait, what?"

"This is real," Annie said again, louder, grinning at him, and then over his shoulder at Shirley and Britta, who flashed a thumbs-up.

"Oh, An-nie!" Shirley said delightedly.

"I was trying to make a game of it, because I didn't want to get hurt again, but if you meant what you said... It sounded much more detailed than the situation demanded..."

"I meant every word of it."

Annie's breath caught audibly in her throat, and he leaned down to kiss her again.

The room erupted in cheers, minus Willy.

"What's so exciting about two people that are dating kissing? I don't get it."


End file.
